martes, 24 de agosto de 2010


Still hurts.
I can´t divest of these feelings.
Love, hate,resentment, boredom, oblivion, bitterness, sad memories,
this grudge growing day by day,
this wish of have never met you,
this regret of knowing that I have ruined my life
the "if only I would have"
the "I wish I would have"
the "if I only had gone in the other direction completely opposite to you"
living knowing that I did wrong
living remembering you
I can´t tear you out of me
I hate myself for that
and I hate you even more
I try
I have tried so hard
I have fled from one place to another
from one bed to another
from one corner of my soul to another
I´m looking forward to forgeting you
I wish to think of you no more
I curse the day when I met you
if I only
if I only
but it wasn´t like that
I met you
I loved you
I lost you
and all has lost in the forgotten
I no longer remember who I was
I want to be the same person that I was before you again
but I don´t know where she went
she has gone
she has faded
I have looked in my conscience
I have looked in my subconscience
and in every corner of my memories
but there's nothing
it´s gone
why has she gone?
I want to be me again
the one I used to be
the one everybody loved
the one I used to love
I refuse to accept that I have died
I died with you
and you don´t even notice it
what is worse,
you don´t even care
I can´t recognize myself anymore
I don´t know if I am awake
or if I am dreaming
nothing of this makes sense
but I can´t take it anymore
I want no more
I need to dispose of all this
I need to dispose of you
of my idea of you
I want to sleep

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